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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Yon Bonny Bloggie Thingie Celebrates The Pebbles' Birthday

In celebration of mine day of doomtastic entry into the world, my peoples, The Pebbles presents some romance novel covers of...weirdness...and, possibly, joy, depending on how you look at it...


*ahem* Let's start with something tame, shall we?  


Ah, my love, thy nose hairs are so...so...blowy in yon breezy!


Here, we have the traditional romance novel cover. Note how her hair blows in the opposite direction of his, no doubt representing the schism between their peoples. He is, without doubt, a...ummm...brawny and lowly yeoman of sorts...note his firm - ha ha "firm" - grasp upon that non-phallic sword! She, for shiznits...is...umm...I'm gonna go with either wayward wenchy nun or possibly a cross-dressing friar- check out that belt! Her tunic is slightly besmurffruffled, which was necessary in order for him to clearly inspect her nostril hairs for the source of the twin breezes that are wreaking a delightfully passionate havoc with their heads of hair. And, as he is engrossed (nay, entrapp-ed!) in her nose hairs, she is ummm...either trying to take his shirt off, looking for his *ahem- stodgy  british voice* billfold! or possibly just tickling him. Who knows? And who cares? This guy's wearing PLEATHER PANTS! That's HAWT!!!! (note: when The Pebbles says "hawt" rather than HOTT! a mutating eye-roll is implied) Also, what dude runs around just carrying his sword like that? "Yup, got me a sword here" and whatnot. He looks like he's about to go all Johnny Appleseed across her fruited plain. And I mean that in a totes agricultural sense...really...


Now, here we have something a bit more er...interesting. Yes! Interesting! 
I'm not trying to tear off your skirt, I'm DANCING WITH IT! AH! SKIRT! I LOVETH THEE SOOOO MUCH! MORE THAN THE HISTORICALLY INACCURATE TEXTILES YOU ARE MADE OF!




OOOOOH YAAAAYAAAA, we've got us a totes bodice rippy cover! Their hair is even sort off almost going in the same direction! WOW! Except...I think there's something weird going on with her legs...what is up with her popping foot and her leg facing almost backwards...? Whatevs. Either way, he's totally holding her skirt like it's her hand, she's all "I'm just gonna flop back here" whilst he smooches upon her really uber prominent collar bone. One imagines there is some kind of music in the background as they have to be dancing for all the implied gyrations that appear to be occurring. Thus, the hoard of villagers with pitchforks and lanterns is, like in some movie from the 80s, coming to put a stop to all these wittle kids FUN!...or he's totes ripping on her bodice and the villagers are coming to prevent coitus. The Pebbles is willing to give the kids the benny of the doubt, after all, he clearly doesn't know how to get her skirt off...


The Pebbles will be back with more! POST...sort of haste... :)


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Cwaep the Pebbles Says When Caffeinated

In no particular order of frequency or enjoyment:

1. I'm like a chipmunk- a fluffy one though. A bald fluffy chipmunk.

2. SQUIRREL!!

3. Thus, the father's repetition of the story-telling action becomes an attempt to perform a patriarchal colonization of the self over the child- an attempt to impart an ancestral cultural identity which sublimates that of the multi-culturaled child.

4. I want to punch it.

5. Feminism is all over this text.

6. You can see it here, here, here, here, here-here-here-here-here ANYWHERE.

7. Why so serious, Dickens?

8. Hahaha- "Dickens"

9. I punch drunk people.

10. I'm so cute I need to be re-licensed to carry my cuteness every three months.

11. Hey look! I found a quarter!

12. PRECIOUSSSSSS!!!!!

13. You're so cute and FLUFFY!!!!!

14. The world's my oyster and I'm going to saute it.

15. I'm sorry I was looking at myself.

16. Hello, ME!

17. Hmmph.

18. Waka waka waka waka waka waka waka waka waka!

19. I'm irresistable. I told myself so myself.

20. Then I ate a piece of toast.

21. Did I turn off the stove?

22. I'm really into laundry detergent.

23. Lo, there was much boinking between those pages.

24. Twilight is a big giant sexually frustrated Mormon.

25. Yea, the young bonny college students of diminutive brain thus pickle-ed their organs with hard liquor. Yea and verily, even as they enjoy-ed much communing with the inner-consciousness of the self.

26. This romance novel cover sucks. Where's the man-chests?!?!?!?!

27. I'm so ADORBZZ!!!!!...ZZZZZZZ!!!!

28. Say WHUUUUUUUUUUUUHT!?!?!?!

29. *hill billy voice*

30. I want to squeeze you!!!

31. Bring hot water! Bring the disinfectant!!!!

32. WuuuuWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAA WAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *singing voice*

33. My intelligence just leaked out my frontal lobe.

34. This world would look better with sparkles.

35. You peroxide kissing...

36. I have a very murderable personality.

37. I will rule the zombie hoard as their un-rotted queen. DUH.

38. Got coffee?

39. You come here often?

40. Hello, sparkleston!

41. Bonjour ! Vous êtes tout à fait fluffular ! Je veux vous serrer ! J'aime du café ! Pourquoi vous vous sauvez ? J'aime votre fluffularity ! Revenir, Shane, REVENIR ! I'm sorry, what now?

42. My Uncle Louis will buy you a new pair of shoes...

43. Feminism is boring.

44. I find people quite droll.

45. I don't like people.

46. I hate people.

47. Ew...people.

48. TEA!!!!!! Why, Alfred! You rascal you! I didn't see you hiding behind the banister! Good GOD man! Do you want tea??? I met a fellow once, most dreadful scally-wag, insisted upon drinking my tea in the nude ON the banister. Quite unorthodox of him. One doesn't place one's nether regions near another's banisters or furniture. tsk tsk!

49. Whatdoyamean, "who's Alfred?" ?

50. *hiccup*

ummmm...*hiccup*?